When I have my hands full of things I have to do, I get all these wonderful ideas about all kinds of side projects, which I just can’t do because, oh I wish I had the time! But when I do have free time, no such ideas come along, and what’s worse, neither does the urge to pursue any of the older ideas. Rather, I waste my time away, not doing anything at all.
And it’s not only about strictly work. Whenever I’m busy with something, my mind seems to flare up with all kinds of unrelated things. I can become creative, inquisitive, even artistic or philosophical, always about things not related to what I’m supposed to be doing. But this lasts only so long as there exists a Damoclean Sword saying “you shouldn’t be wasting your time with these”. The moment the imperative is gone, so is the energy.
It’s like my mind needs to be rebellious in order to function. If it’s placated by not being obliged to do anything, it just …stops, it loses interest and prefers to drift around aimlessly doing exactly nothing.
How could I deal with this? Is it just an issue of self-discipline? Or should I just follow the rebellious mind in doing all those things and then try to run after the deadlines? At least that way it seems I get these wonderful, creative side-projects done and I get to keep the Damoclean Sword in its place, as a further incentive for other things. But that’s very bad for deadlines!
Maybe I should try to find a way to take advantage of all this, in a way use it towards an overall aim, just like Zizek says that he sits down to write precisely because he hates writing and wants to get it out of the way…